Welcome to part 1 in my seven-part/seven-day series: How to Get Exactly What You Want From the Man in Your Life. Each part in this series is complete with two things: (1) an action item to put what I’ve shared into practice, and (2) a link to a specific follow up resource. At the end of this entire series, I am going to ask that you complete a checklist to assess how many of the seven things you’re already doing. You’ll ask the man in your life to evaluate you by that same list. Compare results to see how he thinks you perform versus how you think you perform. You may be surprised at what you find; consider the lesson a gift that the two of you can build on. (Don’t worry, my wife’s series speaking to men comes the following week.) If you’re in a good place in your relationship- great, I’m sure you’ll enjoy this. If not, still take this journey with me for the next seven days and see if things get better.
Ladies, allow me to begin by saying that it is an absolute honor and a pleasure to have your ear. But, before we go any further, let me just acknowledge that I’m a man so you’re probably not going to agree with 100% of what I’m sharing and that’s okay. To be completely honest, that really doesn’t surprise me because you probably don’t agree with everything that the man in your life says either; all I’m asking you to do is be open and listen with your heart. And if you’re single, you really might want to listen; you may find the key to that special something. My goal is to share with you the major takeaways from conversations with dozens of men; discussions designed to uncover exactly what will make men respond in kind with the things that you say you want. We will give you the roadmap if you’d just listen (that lesson comes later in the series). And when I say listen, I don’t mean just with you ears. Listen with your eyes because our actions tell you way more than our words. Take me for instance, I’m a natural born sh}! talker, but I really don’t mean any of it. If my wife went by just the things I said, we wouldn’t be together. Instead, she observes my actions which demonstrate just how much I love her. Pay us no mind; at the risk of sounding cliché, we’re simple creatures. But even as basic as we are, we do need a little bit more; we’re going to explore what lies beyond the three things you typically think we need. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about; you’ve heard it before: feed us, f…yeah you know the rest.
Part 1: Teach Us How to Love
Y’all tend to think we come here knowing how to love and that’s one of the biggest misconceptions out there. We’re not born nurturers. We’re not as affectionate as you may be. Simply put, we’re not like YOU, but we are capable of so much more than you think if you’ll just dedicate the time to teaching us what love looks like. Look, we’re too proud to admit that we don’t know what the hell we’re doing when it comes to love and relationships, but we are open to learning when it’s from the right woman. Patience is the biggest key. Don’t blow up if you don’t get immediate results. Slow but steady wins the race.
Action: Set the mood (but not while he’s watching the game). Fix him a nice cocktail (I recommend vodka cranberry) and grab the oil for a massage. You want to find out from him when he first felt loved by a woman and how he knew he was loved. He may say his mom, he may say you, he may say someone else, hell, he may even say he hasn’t felt it yet- but the goal is to make him feel safe, to learn a different angle of his heart, and to understand how/why he loves the way that he does. Whatever you do, don’t get angry even if you don’t like the answer. Make him feel that he can talk to you about anything. PLEASE don’t feel insecure or threatened by his answer and please, don’t ever use it against him. You want to build trust. You’re either a grown woman who’s all in or not.
Resource: Now that you know a little bit more about him, it’s time to learn each other’s official Love Language. Once you know, it’s your responsibility to then love him in the way that he needs to be loved and in turn, require him to love you in your love language. It’s simple- love him the way that he wants to be loved and he’ll do the same for you. This exercise will take just a few minutes of your time, but will prove invaluable. If you’ve already done this good- do it again anyway. The Five Love Languages
Talk to Me Below: Let me know what you think in the comments section below. Feel free to drop questions as well. I’ll be regularly monitoring and responding. Share this series with other women in your life.
Disclaimer: This is not clinical advice. We are not licensed counselors or therapists. Please seek professional guidance and help where needed.