Welcome to part 1 in my seven-part/seven-day series: How to Get Exactly What You Want From the Man in Your Life. Each part in this series is complete with two things: (1) an action item to put what I’ve shared into practice, and (2) a link to a specific follow up resource. At the end of this entire series, I am going to ask that you complete a checklist to assess how many of the seven things you’re already doing. You’ll ask the man in your life to evaluate you by that same list. Compare results to see how he thinks you perform versus how you think you perform. You may be surprised at what you find; consider the lesson a gift that the two of you can build on. (Don’t worry, my wife’s series speaking to men comes the following week.) If you’re in a good place in your relationship- great, I’m sure you’ll enjoy this. If not, still take this journey with me for the next seven days and see if things get better.
Ladies, allow me to begin by saying that it is an absolute honor and a pleasure to have your ear. But, before we go any further, let me just acknowledge that I’m a man so you’re probably not going to agree with 100% of what I’m sharing and that’s okay. To be completely honest, that really doesn’t surprise me because you probably don’t agree with everything that the man in your life says either; all I’m asking you to do is be open and listen with your heart. And if you’re single, you really might want to listen; you may find the key to that special something. My goal is to share with you the major takeaways from conversations with dozens of men; discussions designed to uncover exactly what will make men respond in kind with the things that you say you want. We will give you the roadmap if you’d just listen (that lesson comes later in the series). And when I say listen, I don’t mean just with you ears. Listen with your eyes because our actions tell you way more than our words. Take me for instance, I’m a natural born sh}! talker, but I really don’t mean any of it. If my wife went by just the things I said, we wouldn’t be together. Instead, she observes my actions which demonstrate just how much I love her. Pay us no mind; at the risk of sounding cliché, we’re simple creatures. But even as basic as we are, we do need a little bit more; we’re going to explore what lies beyond the three things you typically think we need. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about; you’ve heard it before: feed us, f…yeah you know the rest.
Part 1: Teach Us How to Love
Y’all tend to think we come here knowing how to love and that’s one of the biggest misconceptions out there. We’re not born nurturers. We’re not as affectionate as you may be. Simply put, we’re not like YOU, but we are capable of so much more than you think if you’ll just dedicate the time to teaching us what love looks like. Look, we’re too proud to admit that we don’t know what the hell we’re doing when it comes to love and relationships, but we are open to learning when it’s from the right woman. Patience is the biggest key. Don’t blow up if you don’t get immediate results. Slow but steady wins the race.
Action: Set the mood (but not while he’s watching the game). Fix him a nice cocktail (I recommend vodka cranberry) and grab the oil for a massage. You want to find out from him when he first felt loved by a woman and how he knew he was loved. He may say his mom, he may say you, he may say someone else, hell, he may even say he hasn’t felt it yet- but the goal is to make him feel safe, to learn a different angle of his heart, and to understand how/why he loves the way that he does. Whatever you do, don’t get angry even if you don’t like the answer. Make him feel that he can talk to you about anything. PLEASE don’t feel insecure or threatened by his answer and please, don’t ever use it against him. You want to build trust. You’re either a grown woman who’s all in or not.
Resource: Now that you know a little bit more about him, it’s time to learn each other’s official Love Language. Once you know, it’s your responsibility to then love him in the way that he needs to be loved and in turn, require him to love you in your love language. It’s simple- love him the way that he wants to be loved and he’ll do the same for you. This exercise will take just a few minutes of your time, but will prove invaluable. If you’ve already done this good- do it again anyway. The Five Love Languages
Talk to Me Below: Let me know what you think in the comments section below. Feel free to drop questions as well. I’ll be regularly monitoring and responding. Share this series with other women in your life.
Disclaimer: This is not clinical advice. We are not licensed counselors or therapists. Please seek professional guidance and help where needed.
Love Kings 
Wow. This article has been eloquently written and filled with truth. As a teenager my father explained and said the very same thing: “Ona you can teach a man how to love you” …. odd thing is as you mature it’s easy to forget when you become too dependent. Thank you for this article, I really enjoyed reading it because each sentence felt refreshing. Best of success, xoxo
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hey Ona- Really happy to hear that you liked it! Even as his wife, I’m learning alongside other women as I read and enjoy this series. Definitely refreshing to have a guy communicate! He won’t let me see what he has in store for tomorrow yet:-(
LikeLike
That’s great Ona; I’m glad you like it. Your dad hipped you to the game early on. You couldn’t have gotten any better advice. There are too many women that just don’t understand that. Y’all have more power than you realize. Use it to teach men what you want. Hope to hear from you tomorrow on part 2.
LikeLike
Thanks Lyman! Great refrrsher…..we read the 5 Love Languages while dating and I feel we are still doing a great job and expressing them regularly. We’re 2 1/2 years into our marriage and loving every minute of it!
Oh, and we met on Match.com……yes, it does work!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hope it doesn’t sound too crazy, but I’m happy to hear that you’re happy! I’m a hopeless romantic. Seems like online dating has created a real path to happiness -Crystal K.
LikeLike
It’s good to hear that you’re with someone that you have chemistry with and excitement for. That’s important. There are too many people struggling with simply liking the person that they married. Keep the excitement alive. Stop back by tomorrow for the next part. Let me know how the conversation goes.
LikeLike
Great article Lyman! I love the first action! Just like you teach people how to treat you, you teach them how to love you. Who better to know what you need than you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hey! Stop back by and let us know how things go after you try the first action! Looking forward to hearing more. – Crystal K.
LikeLike
Thanks; I really appreciate that. I hope you’ll be back for part 2 tomorrow. Let me know how it goes when you try out the actions.
LikeLike
Hi! I have read the 5 Love Languages & taken the assessment. This was one of the things I discussed with the last guy I dated. We had an open & honest discussion about our love language. The assessment helped us communicate better & understand each other’s needs. I can’t wait for the next part.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you like it. Stay with me for the next few days. Share it with friends as well. Glad that you’ve done the Love Language piece. Couple of quick questions: (1) What was your love language and how well did it mesh with the guy you were dating and (2) Had you ever asked him about the first time he felt love from a woman? Don’t miss that. It’s a crucial part of understanding a man.
LikeLike
I like it! I was ready for more though…but I can wait for part 2. I was married for 20+ years ..now divorced & dating. I’ve met some men who say the’ve never been in love 🤔. How?! I see patience is key.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Part 2 is on the way in the morning. Couldn’t give it all to y’all in one day because I want you to actually do the action items and share it with others. Also, it’s very easy for a man to go years, sometimes their entire lives, and not fall in love. We are not wired the same way that women are. No emotion until a woman really strikes a special chord.
LikeLike
Loved this! Musiq Soulchild made a song called Teachme a while back 🎶Teach me how to love show me the way to surrender my heart; girl I’m so lost🎶…..basically he was telling his woman hey show me how to really love you. Its soooooo true and I think it’s a good thing to communicate to your partner “Hey, this is what I like.” I’m going to commit to the first action on Friday we will both be off work.
Thanks y’all!
LikeLike
Thank you Shannon!!!!
LikeLike
Wow, me & my boyfriend just discussed this on Saturday!! In the beginning of our relationship we talked about it and we revisited it on Saturday to make sure we are still on the same page. When you know what your Love Languages are it makes the relationship so much better!😘 I just took the test and it came back with what I love and my #1 is Words of Affirmation!! 🙌🏽 My other one was Quality Time as #2 but the test said Physical Touch but it was just one question off so I can go with that!!
LikeLike
That’s really cool! That test changed my life!
LikeLike
Excited to see if He is ready to be more open with me. We both have been single for a very long time, so we are comfortable in our space if you know what I mean… we both work for ourselves so our schedules get hectic at times… I already give him massages to relax him… I already own the book the 5 Love Languages, However, He was not receptive in the beginning. We are only 8mos into this friendship bldg… I’m noticing that he is starting to open up more… slow and steady definitely wins the race… I have learned my lesson for trying to rush into relationships… I want mine to flow organically
LikeLike
Excellent! You’re right on point my husband has been telling me this since we first met. I didn’t quite understand it then, but I now understand. Thanks for sharing your perspective & providing the action items & Resources. Love what you guys are doing. #LoveKings
LikeLike
This is EXACTLY what I needed, what a coincidence I met you all in the elevator. Can you all create a post on how to attract the right person for you from both a female and male perspective if you have not already?
LikeLiked by 1 person